The City and The Sea Chapter 1
by cdrsheppard
Summary: Elizabeth survives the Replicators and John is injured in the rescue. They both struggle for a second chance with each other. Rodney, Ronon and Teyla help them along the way. Ship, Angst, JS Wump, Friendship. Words:13,301
1. Chapter 1

The City and the Sea

Chapter 1

He pushed harder, his dead heavy legs straining as they commanded his feet to rake faster through the ashen field, one after another in flight. Moving swifter than his chest could bare, he willed his strength to compensate just a few more yards. The burn of the raw adrenaline was redlining, warning of failure as his heart slammed against his sternum. He was almost there. The falling light was chasing him down; his only advantage being each oxygen laced breath he could steal, each theft biting cold as it thrashed against capture. 'A few more feet, four, three, t…,' He reached for the familiar hand, desperation extended out toward hope…

The impact was tight and precise; twin points of fire sparked into his back, ripping through and exploding apart his awareness, suspending him in mid air between time and space. His only thought was to reach her. The hand before him vanished into the dark as his body crashed into the back of the jumper.

Ronon caught the impact of him as he fell, embracing him with a protectiveness that nothing could stare down. "Now Lorne! Go!" He roared toward the soldier ahead of him in the pilot seat. The hatch door quickly walled them off. He eased John down slowly onto his lap, a small bloom of blood catching at the corner of his commander's mouth. Before another breath was taken by the crew, an urgent voice called loudly over the radio.

"Atlantis, this is Jumper one, do you copy? We are inbound with two casualties. Condition critical. Need med team STAT in gate room. ETA six minutes."

"Jumper one, acknowledged. Med team standing by."

"Copy that Atlantis"

"Ronon, status." Lorne called back.

"He's hit. Two shots in the back. He's breathing but unconscious. Hurry" He replied; bitter emotion cutting him off.

Major Lorne turned back one more time, "Teyla, how is she?"

"Resting quietly, Major." Teyla returned, thoughtfully moving a lock of dark hair away from Elizabeth's fragile brow.

"Ronon?" Rodney asked in hushed disbelief from the co-pilot's seat.

"I don't know." Was the only reply he received.

He could feel the weight of his remembered body against the bed, sinking in with his warmth. The room was soft in color and light. He could only make out a low percussion of clicks and whispers filtering around him. He felt no pain as he lilted up into himself. A deep forgiving breath brought him gently awake. The infirmary was second nature to him now, repeatedly listening as his mortality would plead its case, only to be granted one more chance. A chance he was never more grateful for than now.

He turned his head slowly toward the gravity of her presence. Her graceful form lay on its side. He could make out the curvature of her nature, delicate and still, protected by an ivory blanket. The tension in his solar plexus released as he now knew they both had a chance. He glided back into the deep with a new found calm and relinquished his momentary hold on awareness.

John opened his eyes, leading them to rest against the pale fabric of the privacy screen before him. He was alone, shrouded off from the rest of the ward. It was still early; evident from the well memorized light seeping in through a window arch down the hall. It slipped through the gauzy seams around him. He felt the usual restriction of various medical accoutrements intruding in and around him, assisting his body. Sly but perceptible footfalls worked their way toward him and banked the corner. Ronan smiled at his friend with a relief that spoke the feelings of his entire team. "Hey, glad you decided to stick around. Carter says she's gonna name this place after you if you keep it up.""

John looked up at his intimidating presence with the fog of his dream still clinging to him. He spoke with a rough, unsteady timbre. "Did I... dream it? We…made it back, all of us?"

Ronon moved closer and nodded. "She's here Sheppard. Safe. Everyone is. She has been spending time with Keller and Teyla mostly. McKay has helped out too. They have been working with her, helping her adjust, I guess. They have spent days and days talking to one another."

John felt his dry throat start to moisten as Ronan's words verified his hope. "She's ok? The nanites...does she remember?"

Ronon put his hand on John's bicep in reassurance, "Yeah, from what they say. She was really weak and nearly starved when she arrived but no trace of the nanites. They don't know why they're gone, but it's really her. She remembers most things. She remembers you."

John sat up a little, pushing against the bed. "What do you mean?" He asked, his guard slowly rising. John tried to obscure his need to know.

Ronan knew him well enough to keep to the point and tell him the truth."She asks to see you every day. They have let her visit for short periods. She doesn't say much, just sits and watches you sleep."

"Ronon, how long have I been here?" John asked, visibly concerned as he began to grasp how badly he had been injured.

"Almost four weeks. You took two shots in the back, from what looks like one of our weapons. Your vest just stopped the bullets from killing you. Messed you up pretty good. You had surgery and since then you have woken up a few times, but this is the first time you haven't puked. "

"Thanks…buddy. What do we know…what happened?" John's back felt like it was nailed to a board.

"We still don't know who they were. Maybe Geni. Hard to say. Laden says his people were not involved. When we went back a few days later, they were gone. No trace. "

John started to feel the fatigue pull him back to the pillow as he let his memory fit the pieces together. "Can I get out of here?" He asked, subtly looking for a co-conspirator.

"Not until the Doc checks you out. You know the drill. It will probably be a few days. Don't rush it. "

"Is that why you're here?" John asked with a suspicious inflection.

"Yep, figured you were close to making a break for it. Especially since she isn't staying here anymore. Besides, I can't make much more sense out of what is happening around here. No more than what I told you anyway. Keeping an eye on you seemed to be the best option." Ronon smiled, knowing John was feeling better if he wanted to break protocol.

John was quiet for a moment, and then asked, "When will the Doc be headed back this way?"

"Soon, Maybe an hour. Don't worry, when the Doc releases you, you will be able to see her. But Sheppard…"

"Yeah, what …?"

"You probably won't be left alone with her. Not at first. " Ronon replied cautiously, watching to see if John would catch his hidden warning.

"Why? You said she's ok. I don't understand." John's words tightened in confusion as they left his mouth.

"They say it has something to do with her adjustment back to this place. They have been taking her through things slow. She is on something called a meditation retreat with Teyla. They should be back in a day or two. Do you want me to get word to them?"

"No, it's ok. How does she seem Ronon?" It hurt to speak but his desire to know ruled out.

"It's been tough I think. I think she is stronger than we realize, but you can see how it has changed her. I haven't had much contact but she is in good hands."

John nodded slowly, perceiving the situation with a hint of sadness. "I really need to get out of here….where are my clothes?" he asked, as if distracted. He moved to get up but Ronon stepped closer, blocking his path. "Sheppard, just wait a little more. You have been through a lot. Just to get all those tubes and stuff off of you will take a while. Then we'll get you out of here, ok?"

John looked at Ronon as if he was his only friend. He didn't have to say anything. Ronon just seemed to understand him. "Alright. " He said passively, lying back into a dull pain that pulsed along his spine. John was just beginning to be educated to his limitations.

Three days later, John walked slowly back to his quarters, painfully stiff and slightly off balance feeling the damaged back muscles complain and pull against his gait. His bandage, sealed down tight, felt foreign and annoying under his shirt. Keller had given him some pain meds and lectured him on his new but temporary routine; weeks of physical therapy and rest. He stepped into his room noticing it was as he had left it. Neat and basic save for a few of his favorite totems of down time. He sat on the edge of his undersized bed and put his hands over his eyes, absorbing the cool air of the morning. He had left his window open all those weeks ago, and now his room smelled like the ocean. Salty and clean, it was quietly uplifting. He let himself drift out the window on the breeze, his thoughts slowly shifting to Elizabeth. As relieved as he knowing Elizabeth was safe, we was also confused by the circumstance. His inability to understand his own feelings on any given day was a challenge, but the fathoms of genuine and imagined emotions he had kept hidden seemed determined to surface. He could feel the swell of inevitability, forming far off out at sea and gaining height as it travelled. He was ambivalent about seeing her. He knew something would give, and that seemed overwhelming.

A knock sounded at the door. He felt a rush of weakness move through him as he attempted to stand. Much to his relief, Rodney posed in the doorframe, smiling meekly. "Hey, thought I would come by and see how you were doing."

John looked back at him blankly, forgetting to respond.

"Or not…" Rodney whispered, taking a step back.

"McKay, no, it's alright, come in. I am just a little out of it. Pain meds…" John said, feeling awkward. He waved him in and sat back down on the bed since standing wasn't his most steady option.

"Keller says you're a free man. How do you feel?" Rodney asked, hoping to get past John's disjointed persona.

"I don't now…Kinda strange I guess. I'm pretty sore. I hear I have some catching up to do around here…." John said, holding his head in one hand as he looked at the floor. "Have you been able to find any Intel on that base we found? Geni? Ronan says everything is gone." He asked, briefly slipping back into his military role.

"Actually no. I'm not convinced it was anyone we have dealt with before. Laden is probably telling the truth about having no involvement. My best guess would be mercenaries but I really don't know. We haven't completely given up, but the odds are slim at best at getting any further. Lorne is staying alert to any future leads. We may never know John. "McKay replied, sensing the dead end.

"Elizabeth, Is she ok? What does she member?" John pressed as the ache in his back grew.

"She's ok. She remembers some things. Unpleasant things. That whole thing with Oberoth is foggy but she is working through it. The only thing she can't recall is how she ended up on that base. She can remember sensations, feelings, but nothing concrete. Coming back has been hard for her I think."

"Why?" John asked, feeling Rodney's regret.

"There are a lot of things I suppose. I think she feels out of place. Seeing Carter in her office was hard. Seeing how things have moved on without her. She is unsure of herself, not the shrewd diplomat we knew. I imagine she feels alone, people stare. You know, whisper and such. Seeing you hurt was really hard. The first few days were pretty touchy for both of you. You almost didn't….Anyway, I suppose it will just take time for her to adjust. " Rodney felt the weight of his words impact his friend.

John fixed his eyes back to the floor, feeling darker. "Anything that has helped her?" He murmured.

"Yeah. She and Carter are getting along, despite the juxtaposition of things. She has been spending a lot of time with Teyla and Jennifer. And you. First thing she asked for when she finally woke. She stayed with you when she could. Didn't want to leave your side. I think she feels guilty for what happened to you. Ironic isn't it? I think the guilt somehow rests with me in the end for this entire situation." Rodney finished with a broken sigh, his sadness visible. John kept staring down, searching himself and connecting to the same guilt.

Rodney realized he had started to play with his hands out of anxiety. He had wondered how this moment would be, since he was not the best ambassador of good will or sensitive conversation. He slammed his hands quickly in his pants pockets, making him look even more obvious. John's silence began to unnerve him. He knew this was a difficult moment for John and realized he needed some encouragement. "She's ok John." He said, with a softer intention."She wants to see you. She would have come earlier, but wanted to give you some time."

Quick on the draw, John looked up at him, "I think I have had enough of that." He said, smirking sarcastically.

"Do you want to see her now?"

John paused, considering Rodney's words. He could feel his blood move a little quicker.

"John, are you up for it, or do you want to wait…" Rodney started, but dropped off as John stood up and made for the door.

"Now is good." John said with a sigh of determination. Rodney followed him out, catching him by the shirt tail and redirecting him to a transporter.

It had been while since John had been to the atrium. He forgot how relaxing it was, to be among all the green. He stepped in with Rodney and took a deep breath. "Where is she?" John whispered to Rodney, as if his fidgeting friend had made a mistake.

"Elizabeth? Where are you? John's here." Rodney called out tentatively into the space ahead. John felt his feet lock down into the floor as she stepped before him.

The last thing he remembered was breaking into a room and seeing her lying unconscious in a stasis pod…

"_Sheppard! Let go! She's alive...We have to get back…" _He could hear McKay's words fall around him in the din as he clutched her hands. She was breathing, barely there under his touch. Gunfire raked the walls down the hall …exploding sharp concussive echoes into the room.

"_John! We must go!" _Teyla yelled out from the dirty corridor as her P-90 repelled the oncoming tide.

A shadow fell over John as Ronon approached. He pulled out of his daze,_ "Ronon! Take her! Get her back! Go!" _John shouted as he watched her limp form be enveloped by his fierce companion. The splitting crimson burst of Ronon's gun cleared the path as they forced their way out, leaving John as the last man to follow. They broke into the weak light stretching the distance between the jumper and the exit, running for life. John had their backs, cutting down three assailants in a flash of fire as they bolted to intercept him. _'Two more behind in the trees…'_

"Hello John." She said, smiling softly in his direction. Elizabeth stepped out from behind a cluster of flowering shrubs. Her figure was smaller and slightly wan. She had lost the confidence that once framed her, her presence now reflected a being more open and exposed. She seemed to be reluctant in her approach at first, waiting to see if it was really him. John felt the punch come, bruising his stomach as the living fact of her came into sight. She was dressed in a simple sky blue tee and navy slacks. Her dark auburn hair still hung in loose waves that scalloped the curve of her neck as it always had.

John's tired face showed the strain of a hundred unspoken wants. He stood before her, painful and unsteady but willingly. Her gaze seemed to part him open with a tenderness so sweet he almost couldn't bear it. All the things he had felt and thought were lost to him now. His reasons for being were now jumbled with doubt. He just wanted to fall to his knees in submission and let her warmth wash over him, clearing away the months of silence and waiting. He desperately wanted for her to show him how to let go and fall into the calm that had always been her. His Elizabeth. The fear of asking was so great, so intrusive; he fought to hold back in the hope of protecting her. The fear of admitting it was so expansive he fought to protect himself. The swell was closer to shore, building up behind his eyes. He wasn't sure if the moment was real. He wasn't breathing. He could hear his heart, stuttering in his throat, switching off his voice. A multitude of emotions struggled to rise, threatening to reveal him in all his true vulnerability.

As if somehow feeling his question, Elizabeth moved to him, leaning in close enough to see the flecks of bronze in his eyes. Her scent tempered his gaze into a soft repose calling his head down, closer to her face. She placed her slight hand up to his cheek as if to ease him further into a state of acceptance. He felt the insistence in her touch and opened his mouth slightly in response. He flushed inside, embarrassed by his reaction. Before he could understand what he was doing, she was against him, her face gracing his chest as her arms seemed to hold him up, her other hand silently moving up along his neck, coming to rest in his dark hair. He closed his eyes as if to feel his way to her with his other senses. His hands traced their way hesitantly around her, eventually asking permission to pull into the small of her back and join their bodies together. The weight of her against his body flooded him with a tremor that started his breathing again.

Elizabeth could only remember being this close to him a few times, but none were needed as much as this. Wrapped in the strength of his warmth, she craved to move into him further. His skin was electric to her under her hands, charged with a reserve so deep and guarded she ached to find shelter in it. He was a mystery that had captivated her with a profound intensity of kindness and ease, always leaving her a little shaken in his absence. She focused on his heart beat, just under her ear, reassuring her that this was safe. She was safe. The cut form under his black shirt fit hers with a comfort she had never known until now. The attraction of their fields had always teased at the edge of the other but now joined, she could almost feel his fears. She could feel her own, bleeding away from her as she realized perhaps for the first time just how essential he was to her, and how much she needed him now. His breathing had found hers, pacing its self out in a mutual rhythm. The smell of him held her with such an overpowering desire to stay close it welled up within her, her heart aching. His hands were devoted and thoughtful if not outright careful with her, reading her hurt and taking no more than what was offered. She didn't want to step away from all that he was to her right now. Despite all she had been through these many months, this seemed like the only truth. Small tears of relief made their way out, falling honest and hot on his shirt. She could feel the heat from his breath next to her face as he whispered so only they would hear, "You ok?"

She quietly looked up at him with gratitude, smiling. "I am now..." John could feel the rush of blood to his feet as he realized that after all this time, he was still important to her.

He couldn't keep his hand from moving up to her face and into her hair. He looked at her as if his life depended on it. John remained quiet as he studied her softly, tracing his thumb delicately across her cheek and taking her tears with it. She could see the tenderness in his eyes backed by the threat of his own emotion, shining to her a promise that she was home. "It's alright. Whatever you need, ok? I am right here."He whispered with a heavy breath, again only for her. Elizabeth rested back against him, holding him tighter as if to confirm he was real. John returned the gesture, taking her in just as he had taken in the ocean breeze that had filled his quarters earlier.

Rodney had moved away into the hall, knowing that they deserved this moment to just be about them. Protocols be damned. Carter had made it clear Elizabeth could have a strong reaction upon seeing John, considering her last contact with him had been traumatic. Despite that possibility, he knew John would be instinctively careful with her, as always. Now, much more so. He would wait for them to find their own way out, or at least until someone came to check up on them. Rodney eased himself down onto a bench, determined to be patient, but fidgeting. He hoped it wouldn't be too long.

They hung on one another in the balmy quiet. Verdant hued light filtered the room. John shifted his face more forward, still a few inches from her." Why this place? You never come here "He asked, appreciative of her proximity.

Elizabeth smiled and looked down, "Rodney's idea. He thought it might help if I had a new reference point. Something to help me look forward rather than back. And, he knows I like the color green." She moved his hand down from his head and cautiously fingered the bandage under his clothing. He kept his eyes fixed on her as he felt the familiar bond they had always shared, now returning.

"I thought you liked red?" He asked, a bit dismayed. 'How could McKay know that?' He thought with a twitch.

"Yeah, but green works too." She said, looking concerned as she still felt the bandage. "I'm sorry John. I…" She was stopped short by his eyes, glinting at her with understanding. He read her intonation, sensing her hand asking if he was alright. "Don't be. I 'm ok. Doc says I have to behave. It will need to heal for a while more. They've grounded me until then." He leaned her a little closer.

"Does it hurt?" She asked, moving her hand down and away to his hip.

"More than I expected, I suppose. I have meds to help." He said, moving back to her ear, feeling comforted. Unconsciously, he pressed inward, following the warmth emanating from her. Eyes closed, he inadvertently let his mouth graze her neck as he whispered, "It was worth this." She stayed still, stunned by the sensation of him but unafraid. He caught himself abruptly, fearing he had risked the moment by trespassing without intending to. Elizabeth held him with more conviction as if to excuse his action, much to his disbelief. John attempted to trust it and began to relax. Elizabeth didn't want give him up. If she had to die right here, she thought, it would be worth this as well.

Rodney swiftly came around the bend, looking harried. "Carter is coming, thought you should know."Rodney's eyes pivoted over them, witnessing a glimpse of their rather intimate embrace. Feeling the intrusion, John quickly released her and took a step back. Rodney hovered a moment more until he was satisfied they were alright. Elizabeth watched John as his eyes reassured her. Hearing the approaching footfalls, she straightened up into a more convincing version of Dr. Weir.

"Hey McKay, have you seen Elizabeth, we were supposed to meet a few minutes ago?"

"Yeah, she's right there" He said innocently, eyes wide and pointing at the door to the atrium and his two team members."

"Ah, I see you two have been able to chat. Good to see you up Colonel. We missed you." She said, inspecting them for clues.

"Yeah, glad to be back. I am on a short leash but the doc says I will be fine. Just thought I would say hi to…Dr. Weir." John volunteered with a hand wave, trying to look casual. It was made all the more difficult by the fact that Elizabeth couldn't hide her smile.

Elizabeth stepped out of the door and joined Col. Carter. "I have plans, but I imagine I will see you both later."

"Yeah, see you…"Rodney mumbled as Carter and Elizabeth walked off.

"McKay..." John began. Rodney smiled at him like the Cheshire cat. "No problem." He replied as he walked away with the knowledge his mission had been completed.


	2. Chapter 2

The City and the Sea

Chapter 2

_The frost gave way under his footing, each step marking his path with a pale contusion. Low and steady, he moved through the stillness toward the lights ahead, his team behind. Night covered them just enough, allowing their passage to the destination as they evaded attack. The iron grate at the entrance, now oxidized by time, fell away with their combined forces against it. Stale with neglect, the passage exhaled as they negotiated the chamber, each one softening their steps to avoid detection. They were close. Ronan broke ahead, shadowing the doorframe. Weapons drawn, the team found their purpose and John slipped in like smoke. She was here. He could feel it. He felt like he was falling…._

_Ronan moved past him again, securing the opposite end of the cavernous room and signaled John to run. Breaking fast, he spilled through the corridors ahead to the last known hold. He set the charge, and dove away as the shield behind gave way to the caustic flash, slamming him down against the slick surface of the floor. Winded but focused on his cause, he spun back and lunged forward into the lab. Rodney raced to the lit panel to their side, straining to communicate his commands with frantic keystrokes. One by one the lights flickered to life as he held his breath. With one last entry, the ancient capsule released its seal to the room. More darkness…..She was held away from him, clutched by the black, her hand out in a scream. He was paralyzed…._

Sitting upright so quickly forced the air from his heaving chest. His back burned. The fragile reconstruction of his spinal musculature protested in a painful spasm from the tension in his body. As his panic subsided, John wiped the sweat from his face. The images stalked him, even now that she was back. He shoved them away, finding relief within the confines of his room. It was lit only by the light of the city spires and one moon beyond. His sheets bound him at the waist to the bed, wrought with his dream and the fear he had felt. His window was still wide open and to the familiar contentment it welcomed in. He pulled off his tee, now damp with sweat and tossed in into the corner. John felt the cool air cloak his bare skin in consolation. Pulling his legs up to his chest, he looked out onto the still water beyond. Things were shifting, changing within him. He reflected on his meeting with Elizabeth earlier only to find confusion winning out over direction. Seeing her safe had elated him, but as he sat still with himself now, he felt a strange hurt. He couldn't find the words, but nearly all his feelings led back to her. His sense of place and duty felt suddenly questionable as did his formidable sense of boundary. She had seen him slip, unguarded to a moment that meant something deeper. He needed a reprieve, a release from the uncomfortable truth that dogged him. He moved out of his bed and dressed. It had been a while since he had walked along the waterfront at night, but it seemed to offer his restless mind a path to follow.

Ronon spotted him sitting in an alcove just off the east pier. The sun had yet to rise but hinted its intention with a narrow band of copper on the horizon. The cool ocean breeze from the night before had now gained strength, slapping the cobalt water into small peaks. Ronan knew John would often go for a run on the waterfront before dawn. It was his way to release his frustrations and transform them into a meditation. Ronan would join in for the frustration portion on occasion, but left the rest to Sheppard. It was new to see him sitting so still at the water's edge. Ronon headed out toward him.

As he approached, Ronon could see that John was asleep, sitting with his back against a support beam and his mouth slightly ajar. He knelt down and tested his shoulder with a nudge. Judging from the moisture on his clothing, Ronon knew he had been there all night. "Sheppard?"

John came too slowly, looking at Ronan with bewilderment. Blinking a few more times to lubricate his tired eyes, he ran his hand over his face as if to make sure he was present and accounted for. As he started to move, he could feel the chill that had settled into him, his motions stiff with exposure.

"Hey Sheppard, you alright?" Ronon asked, tipped with curiosity.

John gingerly stood up, clearly hurting and thought about the question. Looking out on the water, he realized he didn't know. He raked his hand through his charcoal hair a few times and turned back to his friend, "Yeah, guess I got tired of walking. I went for a walk….."

Ronan squinted back at him, unconvinced. "You know those meds Keller gave you might be a little too strong. Do you want to check in with her? I'll take you…"

Sheppard looked back, disregarding his comments in a half hearted whisper, "No. No, it's not that. I'm fine. Just got tired, that's all. Guess I should head back."

Ronon stayed quiet, waiting for the rest to come out. He knew the fastest way to the truth was provocation.

John, realizing he didn't buy it, lapsed into a different tactic, expressing himself with his usual exaggerated arm waving. "Look, I'm not crippled, OK. Can't I go for a walk?" He blurted out, his voice cracking. He knew Ronan was concerned for him and he hated it. For the most part.

"Are you coming or not?" John said, slightly exasperated.

Ronan kept staring, a small smile creeping up. He didn't know why, but there was a momentary pleasure in seeing his military commander disheveled and near tantrum in his down time. "You gonna tell me or what?" Ronon shot back, on the verge of angering him.

"Tell you what? Tell you I fell asleep. It was a nice night, what do you want me to say? Can't we just go get some coffee or something?" John replied, almost defeated.

"It's her, isn't it?" Ronon said, lowering his voice, but still looking through him.

"Damn it Ronon! That's nobody's bus…I don't want to talk…No, I just needed to get away…" John spat back, now shaken and off balance. He turned away toward the sun, now bleeding apricot into the sky above. If he had been strong enough to swim, John would have jumped into the water to get away.

Ronan came up behind him, his voice now seeded with support."You need to tell her. Maybe when she has had a little more time."

John kept looking away, his face now reflecting his rage at being trapped. "Tell her what? That I…Look, I just can't do this." He said, closing off. He started to walk heatedly away, but his pain flared, lighting up his backbone. He made it about ten yards and bent over, bracing himself against a rail. Ronon ran over to him and helped him straighten up.

"Pain?" Ronan asked, careful now with his intent. John caught his breath, and quietly nodded, still looking away. "Come on buddy, let's get you back." Ronon whispered, knowing he had dislodged the small stone holding the cliff above and it was time to get out of the way. John followed in silence.

The evening meal left something to be desired. John looked at his plate, trying to find a way into the less than appetizing selection before him. Rodney watched him with interest as he delved into his, twice the size. "You gonna fight it or eat it?" Rodney mumbled with his mouth full. John pushed his plate to him, "Knock yourself out" He said, smirking in distaste. Rodney nodded, still chewing. John leaned back in his chair, scanning the small contingent of expedition members chatting and milling about. Rodney began to thank John for his donation but John's distraction cancelled him out. Elizabeth was moving toward them, watching John as she walked. He realized he was staring back.

"Hi guys, can I join you?"

Locked on, John's gaze held her right up to the table. Elizabeth noticed and moved close, poised with a small tray. Rodney, not looking, nodded again. "Yeah, please…here."John offered, pulling out a chair next to him. She slipped into it and set her tray down. She smiled at them both and began to sip from her tea cup. Within moments, they found themselves staring at Rodney in amazement.

"What?" He exclaimed, his mouth still half full.

"Some things haven't changed." Elizabeth whispered in John's direction. He smiled, catching how they had fallen back into time. "Not hungry?" She asked, still smiling. She noticed how fatigued John appeared. Elizabeth could see he was not quite settled within himself.

"Already ate. That's McKay's…" He lied in a deadpan tone. Elizabeth rolled her eyes making John laugh, forcing him to break away from his seriousness. Rodney remained entranced by his mashed potatoes.

"I heard you had an unexpected visit at the infirmary. Feeling any better?" She whispered kindly, leaning toward him but still looking at Rodney, obtuse to the entire room save for his food.

"Where did you hear that?" He replied, feigning irritation. He felt spied upon and he liked it.

"I can't say, but you must know I still have ways of finding things out around here." She said smugly, holding his gaze. He was starting to lose himself again, catching her green eyes as they attempted to break down his locked door.

"I'm doing better. I have to rest. More than I want to. How bout you? You look like you have had a good day." He asked. He had forgotten how comforting these gentle conversations were. He had missed their simple but reassuring feel.

"Yeah, I have. I am finding my feet. Moments like this help. " She said with a softer tone of reflection. She noticed John lean forward, shifting his posture into a more comfortable position. He was hiding it well, but she could see that his pain was escalating.

He momentarily gave himself away, putting his hands on his face looking for relief. Peeking through his fingers, John looked at Rodney, observing that he was still unaware of them, but more accomplished in his pursuit of culinary conquest. "I think I'm gonna turn in. I am glad you had a good day Elizabeth, See ya tomorrow." He said with a sigh, as he used his arms to push himself up.

Elizabeth stood with him. "Let me walk you back?"

"I'm alright, Its Ok," He said as his pain shortened his breath.

"No you're not. Let's go."She said, her eyes squinted at the corners. John saw that she was not going to give. This was a side of him that she was all too aware of. He couldn't hide this from her no matter how hard he tried. There were too many miles down this road from all his off world injuries. He complied with a groan and walked out of the mess hall with her.

Walking into his room, John activated a small lamp and turned to the threshold to face Elizabeth. He had broken a sweat, his body pleading for him to lie down. "Thanks, for...Checking up on me. I should know better with you." He said, his grin awkward but submissive.

"John, you're trembling, lie down. Should I get Keller?" She asked, authoritatively moving him to his bed, helping him down.

"No, I just need to rest. I haven't taken my poison yet."He said, pointing to a small bottle on his desk. She picked up the bottle and went into his bathroom. He could hear water running. She emerged with a small glass and his meds, gently kneeling on the edge of the bed. "Here, before you change your mind." She said, a diminutive smile framing her face.

"Thanks again. My heroine…no pun intended." He said as he finished swallowing. He let his head fall into the middle of his pillow, allowing it to take the full weight from him. He questioned himself for a moment, wondering if he was delirious or dreaming. She sat there, looking over him. She wasn't leaving. He was happy and terrified in the same moment. He held no expectation save for wanting her to linger a few minutes more.

"John, it's freezing in here, do you still want the window open?" She asked, getting up.

"Just a little. It helps me sleep." He said, as he watched her stand with the cityscape behind her, lighting up the darkness.

"Are you having trouble?" She asked, worried. The window was heavier than she expected as she pulled the stained glass halfway to her then set back down next to him.

"Yeah, sometimes. The cool air helps me sleep. Feels good." He said, turning on his side with great care. "You ok, being here with me?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"She asked, not batting an eye.

"Just checking in. I know that things… haven't been easy for you. I…want you to feel..." He said, faltering. He was afraid to say it, not knowing what would happen.

"Safe?"She said, tightening her focus on him.

"Something like that. I don't know…what it has been like…I wish I had been there those first few weeks. We haven't had a chance to really talk. I figured you would if you needed too." John felt a small relief in confessing at least one small truth. Her face softened as she met his eyes, now relaxed with the suggestion of his medication... "Do you want to talk...now, with me?" He asked, treading lightly into the potential mine field.

"I do. I just don't know where to start. It's hard, John. I really thought I would never see you again. That was really too much……" She dropped her head a little, letting herself pause the conversation. "It has been strange. But everyone has gone out of their way to help me work things out. I really am feeling better. It has made me think about all the times you, all the times you were hurt or missing. What it was like. You always seemed to find your way back. I think about that when I hit a rough patch." She moved down to the floor, sitting with her back to him against the bed, insuring a better distance to speak quietly.

"I meant it Elizabeth. If you need anything..." He reluctantly placed his hand on her shoulder, attempting to emphasis the point.

She placed hers over it, holding it to her with a hidden urgency. "I do have moments that frighten me, when things rush back. But they are less frequent. When I came to visit you in the infirmary these past few weeks, those feelings seemed to fade. I do…feel safe. I feel safe when I am with you. I have missed you." The ease of her admission moved him. He could feel something from her that was new. She held his hand a little tighter, turning to look at him. "I'm sorry; I don't mean to be overly emotional…"

"I have missed you too." John said softly. You're not afraid I'm gonna turn into a bug or anything?" He said, grinning. He watched as she released his hand and turned around and faced him.

"Not anymore. It was just a phase. How's your poison?" She grinned back.

"Almost there…" He whispered, relaxed but still very much aware of her and how the light shaped her.

"Are you going to sleep in your clothes?" she asked, sounding matronly.

John laughed, slightly inebriated."Yeah, probably. Too late to change."

She moved to his feet and started to unlace his boot.

"What …are you doing? How do you know I don't like sleeping in my boots?" He said with his two glasses of wine smile. He felt slightly nervous under his warm medicated blanket.

"You barely fit into this bed, let alone with these things. Let me help you John." She said kindly as she pulled them off. "Come here." She whispered as she came up to his side and started to work on his shirt. "Lizbeth,…its ok, wouldn't be the first time…"He said in a dreamy mock protest. She raised her eyebrow and smirked. "It has been a while since I have bossed you around. Indulge me. Keller said you needed to sleep." His eyes followed her fingers as they moved over his chest. Having unbuttoned the length of him she gently eased him out of his military over shirt, leaving his trademark black tee.

"It was Keller? She ratted me out…" He mumbled, falling a little deeper.

"I didn't say that….undo your belt." She put her hands behind her back, nervousness finding her as well. She noticed how calm and gentle he was as he watched her. His weary hands fumbled at first. He soon found his buckle and released it. She thoughtfully pulled it off and set it on the floor with his boots.

She rejoined him, sitting on the bed by his side. "Better?" she asked, slightly bemused by his drunken state. He moved onto his back, now fully relaxed.

"Yeah. Ya gonna go? "He asked, trying to reconcile the idea. She nodded. They paused, observing one another as the weight of the quiet began to grow. John spoke just above a whisper. "When you were gone, when I couldn't get to you, I …what I want to say is...I am grateful you're ok ..."He whispered, his eyes a little clearer, alert to the danger of saying anymore. Elizabeth felt the choke of tears hit her out of the blue. She couldn't keep them as she put her hand up to her mouth, fighting to hold them back. John snapped out of his haze, sitting up on his elbow. "Oh god, Elizabeth, I didn't mean to…"

"No John, It's not you…I feel so much…"Her tears came harder.

John sat up , instinctively putting his arms out as if to catch her. She leaned back and let him."Come here, come on…its ok, no one can hurt you anymore…" He pulled her tight, bringing her to his side as he lay back. He was fighting against his fear and the sedative pull of his medication. She lay upon his chest, slowly wrapping around him while she continued to cry. She held onto him as if he was her life raft. He lowered his head to complete the protective embrace. "I won't let anything hurt you again Elizabeth. It's ok." He whispered into her soft hair.

"Don't let go, please John, don't let go…"she cried into him.

"I won't. I've got you." He said, uncertain what to do but committed to being with her in the moment. She felt fragile under his hands and he was sure she would splinter with each sob. His own sense of discomfort felt selfish now as Elizabeth accepted him as her safe place. His mind shuffled the images of hurt and separation that marked them both and had remade them. He was trained to deal with suffering and torture, Elizabeth was not. He had never known her to be so raw and open and aside from holding her tight, he felt completely helpless to soothe her as she cried. He quietly moved his hands back and forth over her, easing her into a sheltered sleep.

John shut off the light, leaving only the city and sky to hold them in place. He lay still, now beyond sleep but half consciously watching the night shift through the room. Elizabeth began to dream. Sorrow and frustration swelled within him as he held fast against the small tremors that shook her. Her small cries of fear came to rest in her hands as she grasped him in desperation, searching for rescue. Bearing witness to her subconscious distress deepened his sense of helplessness. It cauterized a fissure of grief down his face as her threatening memories continued to seep…

'_Elizabeth! No!'_

_..."Go…! Run John…."_

'_Elizabeth!...'_

_Pain. Consuming and burning her skin to her bones and there was nowhere to run. She was screaming without a sound, the force of it backing up black in her throat. Shadow became liquid, dark with fear as it surrounded her, intruding violently in tiny whispers, slicing her, ripping her secrets from the marrow of her soul. Screaming for him. She could not reach, tearing against the flesh of stone and steel. Crushing down, fractures degrading her will… she was losing hold of him, of her, suffocating in the void….'Let me go….let me die'….._

The knock came sometime between 4am and dawn, waking John to his room, now moonless. Elizabeth lay merged into his side, now calm and far away. He moved from her as careful as he could manage, trying to preserve her serenity. He commanded the door to open half way and peered out, squinting at the person before him. Teyla greeted him.

"John, I am so very sorry to disturb you, but it seems Elizabeth did not return to her quarters tonight and I am worried." John stayed quiet as he stepped into the hall and closed the door behind. "It's ok Teyla. She's safe." He whispered sleepily as he held his neck, relieving the kink.  
Elizabeth is with you?"She asked, cautious and slightly surprised.

"Yeah. She, she didn't want to be alone. She fell asleep. I didn't want to wake her. I won't let anything happen to her, don't worry…"He finished, still heavy and unadjusted.

"John, are you sure she is alright? " She asked again, seeming to imply something.

"On my word, Teyla. You can see for yourself……" He opened the door to reveal Elizabeth, just as he had said, sleeping peacefully on his bed. Once she was satisfied, John sealed the door again and Teyla smiled, "Thank you John, I just did not expect her to be here."

John wrinkled his face in a question," Why? We're friends. Have been all these years. I get the feeling that there is something you're not telling me. Hell, I feel that from everyone." He said, now feeling slightly distrustful.

"John. She cares for you. Sometimes that brings deeper things. Things she may not be ready for yet. Things you might not be ready for." She said as tactfully as possible.

John looked back; head cocked and his mouth opened in a small pout of confusion. He wasn't sure he heard her right, and was afraid to ask. He decided to just nod, hoping to be excused from his thorny situation. "Goodnight John." She said with a peacekeeping smile and walked away. The hallway floor was cold under his bare feet, sending a chill through the rest of him. Confused and still semi lucid, he snuck back as quiet as possible, resuming his former position. He pulled up a blanket from the foot of the bed and cautiously spread it out over them. She quickly responded to the new layer of warmth, refitting herself to his body as she slid her hand under his tee. The urge to reciprocate won out as his hands docked just under the edge of her blouse. Teyla's words crashed in his head as he fought the pull of his attraction. He wanted to slip again, to lean into her light and let go…he could feel the starvation under his skin trying to reach for sustenance, for her. He crushed it back down, forcing his desire to give way to his promise of protecting her. His feelings were distorted leaving too many doubts and dangers to choose anything else. He forced himself to refocus on sleep and allowed only his fingertips to gently drink her in.

Elizabeth loved the mornings In Atlantis. This new Lantia was even more beautiful than the original. Her favorite view was at the waterside. The views highlighting the angles of the city were abundant. She sat perched on a small bench overlooking the water, letting the breath of the ocean take away her own. Her coffee was warm in her cool hands. The contrast seemed soothing, much like the city and the sea. She was no longer the official expedition leader, at least not at the moment, and she wondered if she wanted to continue. Despite her love of this place, she knew there was no going back. Carter had offered the position back, or at least the promise of split duty. For the first time since she had been in Atlantis, as she looked out on the morning blessed ocean, she felt free. Free to choose something always out of reach. She was so accustomed to putting every ones needs before her own. She had even looked forward to it, avoiding her own feelings. It had been hard for her to reconcile her wants with her needs. Maybe now, she could go a different way.

She had loved to see the things that would go usually unnoticed by the transplanted populous. The waking of the city was one of the best. Now, something was out of place. Like clockwork, every morning, John would run the east pier. He was absent today. The view seemed a little less inspired, a little less vivid because of it. Elizabeth looked forward to him returning to his familiar, if not lonely routine. Somehow it gave her strength, as if he was sparking the city awake.

As unexpected as it was to have awakened in his room, she found no regret. It had been beyond her memory since she had someone hold her like he had. Perhaps, she had never been held like that. She couldn't recall. She was glad it was him. As her eyes wandered over the horizon, she tried to picture it.

She awoke to warmth so deep with calm; she had dared not move, fearful that it would have shattered. He lay silent, his breathing quiet and low. He had kept his arms around her through the night and now they seemed to be part of her, draping her in protectiveness. Her hand rested above his belly, taking him in. The light was just breaking, illuminating the sky in a blush of periwinkle and blue that cast its presence within the room. She could feel the world beneath her turning; the water against the pier. His room was spare, with only a few clues to describe him. It fit; being that he gave very little away, showing the spare, distant face to the world, while only saving his clues for a lucky few. She wanted to think she was one of them, the lucky few to have been given a glimpse of the real depth within him. As much as she wanted to stay, she knew it might be confusing to John to still find her there. She could feel that the pull between them was so much stronger now.

The sun was now eye level and beaming into her. The breeze quietly caressed her neck, playing in her hair. It was another beautiful day and she started to consider her options. She had been thinking as staying on as a researcher, translating Ancient text. Rodney had suggested it, in the hopes she thought, to keep her from being sent back to Earth. The IOA had been asking Carter about keeping Elizabeth on which meant she had to make a decision soon. Rodney, charmingly loyal, squirreled away any Intel he could nab, hoping to keep the team together. She liked the idea of hiding away and pouring over the mysteries of the Ancients. She didn't want to leave the city. It was home. She was hoping to have some privacy as she worked through her questions and memories of recent events. This option would be ideal. Her eyes scanned the waterfront one more time, missing him, and walked back thinking of her future.

As John woke, he felt for her, his hand searching the bed. Confirming the fact he was the only occupant, he sighed and started his day. He removed his clothes from the night before and started for the shower. Peeling the bandage from his back, he could see it was still angry. The wounds were still trying to close, slightly open and dark. He let the water spill over, lingering in the steam to flush them out. The heat from the water relaxed him, taking his pain down a notch and helped him to clear his mind. Finishing, he carefully dried himself and began to dress. His days off were far and few unless he was hurt. This being the case, he opted for a pair of dark Levis and a fresh black tee. With the wave of his hand, he walked out to the door to the infirmary for his dressing change and the expected once over by Dr. Keller.

"Damn it! Are you trying to kill me?" John yelled out with a dagger as he sat with his back to Dr. Keller. She was palpating his scapula, asking him to contract his bruised lat muscle a few times.

"Ok. Release. I think that will do it, Colonel. It will take time for you to regain your range and function. You have to be patient…" Keller replied, trying to stay out of hitting distance.

John jumped off the table and carefully pulled his shirt on with a groan. "So this range of motion thing, how long is it gonna take to get it back?" He asked with a glare.

"Hard to say, but slow. We have to strengthen you too, and I know you won't like that! Take it easy, go for a walk, it will loosen you up. I want to check your dressing in twelve hours. The wounds are struggling a bit, so I want to watch them closely. Take this med. It will stave off any possible infection. Any questions?" She said, smiling innocently as she handed him a small amber bottle.

"My pain, how long is that going to last?" He mumbled, frustrated by such a simple exercise.

"That may take longer. There is some nerve damage, although probably not permanent and there is still a decent amount of inflammation. Take your pain meds at bedtime and go easy during the day. Anything else?"

"No." He gruffed as he walked out, looking more like an angry teenager than Atlantis's military commander.


	3. Chapter 3

The City and the Sea

Chapter 3

Elizabeth sat on her favorite bench outside the recreation area, tucked into a small cove of colored glass near the water. The late afternoon light, illuminated the skyline, gilding it as if it was an image out of a storybook. She couldn't imagine a view on Earth to rival it. Her data pad had grown heavy after hours of deciphering small symbols so she set it aside. Far off in the distance she noticed Ronon moving toward her from the waterfront. She had always liked Ronon despite his incendiary nature. He had become a vital team member at the insistence of John and she was glad he had found a home in Atlantis. She could see his commanding presence ease as he approached.

"Hello, Ronon. Out for a walk?" she asked with a peaceful smile.

"Hi Dr. Weir. Actually no. I was looking for something. How about you?"

"I was working. I guess I can't stop." She smiled, "And Ronon, you can call me Elizabeth."

He nodded. "Ok, but it feels a little strange."

"Why?"

"Sheppard calls you that. And McKay. Just seems more personal. You have a different connection with them.."

"Ronon, please, it's fine. Besides, I prefer it since I am not in charge at the moment."

"Will you be again? I mean, well… It's not the same."

"No it's not. I don't know if I will return. I suppose I need some time."

"Hope it's not too long." He said, smiling briefly.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. Say, what are you looking for. You don't tend to come out this way unless you are planning a sparring session." She sensed something was out of place.

"I was looking for Sheppard. You haven't seen him have you?"

"No, not since this morning. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I was just checking up on him. The doc asked me to make sure he doesn't over do it"

"Has he?"

"He…he sometimes comes close. You can't make that man slow down much. The last so many months... They've been hard for him. Being injured adds to it."

"Ronon, what do you mean? Is John ok?"

"Yeah, He's alright for the most part. But when you were away, it was tough on him. He took to spending time in more abandoned areas of the city. I guess he likes the quiet. Anyway, I suppose he should tell you. Said enough already. I will be in the gym if you see him. Let him know, ok?"

"Of course." Elizabeth felt him go as she looked back to the skyline. Her heart ached. John had always been an enigma, hiding and defending any weakness or vulnerability. She knew he had been keeping his distance, but up to now, she didn't realize just how much.

Rodney was right on time as he rapped on the door to Elizabeth's quarters. "Hey, it's McKay, you there?"

The door slipped open. "Hi, got a minuet?" She asked, looking at him with relief.

"Yeah, what's up? Transcribing Ancient giving you trouble or do you want to work on some Wraith?" He said gleefully.

"No, I am afraid it is something much more difficult to decipher than that." She grinned as she offered him a seat in a chair.

"Ok, I'm your man. What is it?"

"It's John."

"Ya know I might not be your man after all…"He got up and pointed toward the door, trying to excuse himself.

"Rodney, sit. I am serious."

"So am I. Shouldn't you talk to Teyla or something…" He tried to exit again but she pointed firmly to the chair.

"You're exactly who I need to talk to. Now sit."

"Ok, but I don't think..." He protested in a small whine.

"Rodney!"

"Just like old times…Ok, Ok, what do you want to know?" He pulled his shoulders together as he wrung his hands in discomfort.

"Tell me what happened. You have told me the historical time line of what occurred but tell me about John…how was he while I was…gone." Her tone was determined, pinning Rodney to the spot.

"I am not sure this is a good idea,…"

"Rodney, I have to know."

"Forgive me if this turns out badly….Ok, here goes...From the beginning?"

"Yes."

"I was afraid of that…Let's see. As you know, everything started when you were hurt in that explosion, and then the whole nanite thing, but it got so much worse when we couldn't bring you back with us. Atlantis was a mess. We were all really distraught but he took it the hardest. He wouldn't give up. Holding Atlantis together in the face of your capture was horrendous for him but he did an amazing job. In fact, I can't believe he was able to see his way through. It was such a terrible time. He spent a million moments trying to think of a way to locate you despite the odds. I would work out every idea with him but when they didn't prove viable, well… He'd get pretty dark. He wouldn't let it go. I couldn't blame him. The false leads from the Replicators made him even more driven and more desperate. He slept less and didn't eat much. He kept to himself more. He would disappear for hours when he was off duty. "

"Do you think he felt responsible for what happened?" Elizabeth's face expressed enough sadness for them both.

"We all did. I did. God, how could we not? But to answer your question, yes. It tore at him. You have to know, It was never your fault. He would never want you to think that. But that's only part of it. Look, Elizabeth, I shouldn't say…"

"Please Rodney. I need to know. I can handle it and I trust you to tell me the truth."

Rodney took in a breath and held it for a moment. "Damn it. He will never forgive me Elizabeth…You can't tell him I said anything. I don't want to hurt either of you…."

"I know, Rodney. I am hoping this will help. Please, continue."

"Elizabeth, your disappearance changed him. He had terrible nightmares. He would walk the pier at night when they woke him. The dreams became so bad that he actually spent time in the infirmary because of it. They lied, saying he had a stomach virus or something. No one knows that by the way. I only do because, well,… I snooped,… accidentally. When we got our last lead and actually found you, I think he was in shock. I have never seen him more committed to a mission. Carter could not of held him back if she had tried. At first she was reluctant to risk another team on an unsubstantiated hunch, but after an hour of him yelling furiously and her listening in your office, It was his mission. I am still surprised he wasn't court marshaled because I know her and... "

"Rodney,…please. "

" Sorry. Look Elizabeth, the real issue is…Now, he hasn't said anything, let alone anything obvious, but I…think he has….Aww crap. I really don't want to say this…Fine, whatever! He has feelings for you. Ok? The 'more than a friend' kind. Has for some time I think, and I don't think he'll ever tell you because he's a stubborn bastard. Especially now. Teyla and Ronon know too. You can't approach him about it. They've tried and it wasn't pretty. Ok, can I go to hell now?" He put his hands over his ears, trying to block out whatever was coming.

Elizabeth sat on her bed, tears catching at the corner of her eyes. "Thank you Rodney." She whispered as she swallowed her feelings.

Rodney soon forgot himself and looked up. "Elizabeth, are you going to be ok, because I think I just made things so much worse. Oh God, you feel the same, don't you?" He got up and sat next to her. She wiped her face and leaned against his shoulder.

"Yes, I think I do Rodney. It's alright. We have all been through so much. I won't tell him you said anything. Thanks for being there for me. It suits you more than you know." She said quietly. He awkwardly put his arm around her shoulder.

"I was afraid of that. Blame Lieutenant Cadman. I have never been the same since." Rodney quipped, his smile was contagious . Within a few seconds they were laughing.

The evening air suggested rain was coming , perhaps an hour away. The light was fading down, turning the sea silver, blending its seam into the clouding sky above. Elizabeth pulled her coat around her as she walked along the outer edge of the pier. The sharp wind reminded her that she was tired but she still felt compelled to make the walk out to the farthest tip of the east side. It was quiet in its abandonment as it stood stretched out before her. She wondered why he would come out this far. The corridors lining the walk were empty, echoing her footsteps as she explored each room. The light was nearly gone and she began to question her decision. All around her, silence mingled with the dark as she finally came to a stop at a railing overlooking the water. It was rather peaceful but lonely she thought, and as she took it in, she wondered if it said something about John.

"Elizabeth?"  
Elizabeth turned quickly to see John above her one floor up on a balcony. He seemed to be a part of the sky, his dark clothes matching the approaching night. "Hi John, I don't have an appointment. You're a tough man to find. Up for a visit?"

He stared with his mouth open for a moment then yelled down, "Yeah, be right there." In a flash, he stood before her. "What…why did…you didn't have to come out here. Is something wrong? Are you Ok?" He looked scared, reaching out to her slightly.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to see you. You were not in your quarters so I investigated a bit. Apparently you have found a penthouse that Rodney doesn't know about." She smiled warmly, easing him back into himself.

He laughed, still nervous,"Yeah, don't tell him. You want to come up? It is kinda sparse." He motioned her toward the stair.

"Yeah, love to see what you're up to..." She followed him up into a small but elegant rust colored room. It was low lit by a few small lamps and it was unexpectedly warm. There was a small mattress to sit upon with some bedding and a duffle bag.

"There is no power out this way, how did you manage?"She asked ask she looked out the large window.

He smiled proudly with his hands on his hips..."Zelenka."

"I should have known." She stepped out to the balcony, following the dark line of the horizon with her eyes. The clouds were moving lower. "John, other than the view, why do you come here? It must aggravate your injury. " she turned around to face him.

"I come here…to think. I guess I got in the habit when things...when you were gone. The city can be noisy. Don't worry; I have my meds with me. "John began to look self conscious. He tried to change the subject. "Let's go in, it is getting cold. Or maybe… you want me to walk you back? I was about to head back anyway…"

Elizabeth studied him, seeing his apprehension. "Can we stay for a bit? I think I could use a rest. You too from the look of you." He appeared fatigued.

"Yeah, no problem. I don't have anything to eat though. Not even chocolate. Thought you should know." He grinned as he closed the ancient balcony door and sat slowly down, his motions still colored by pain.

"All the more reason Rodney won't be following you. But no chocolate…mmm. That is cause to reconsider." She said, trying to repress her giggle. He grinned again, happy to see her smile. Her hair looked burgundy in the wash of lamp light.

"You're probably thinking this is a bit eccentric for me, huh?" He said with a wrinkled cheek.

"No, not really. I seem to recall you were sequestered in the arctic with the same duffle bag and a cot. This isn't much different." Her gaze was still warm and thoughtful as she removed her coat. She stole a glance at him as he arranged a place for her to sit. His face was beginning to shadow revealing he had not taken to shaving for a day or so.

Satisfied by the space he had prepared for her, he looked up. "Yeah, guess not." John began to fidget. "Look…about last night; I hope…… you are alright. Are you?" He looked at her slightly fearful in anticipation of her answer.

She sat down right next to him, just making contact against his side. "We are alright John. I am good, Thanks. I was a bit… undone and I didn't expect to fall apart like that. You gave me what I needed." He watched her caress the top of his hand lightly.

"Glad I could be there…even though…I'm not the best at that sort of thing." He discreetly smelled her hair, hoping she wouldn't notice.

"How is your back? You seem to be hurting quite a bit. I'm wondering If you've been let off your leash too soon…" She turned slightly, bringing her hand to his back and slipping it under his shirt. He jumped a little as she moved over his bare skin to feel the bandage. "John, it's hot. You really should see Keller." She moved her hand to his forehead. "No fever…Not yet…You still like to push it don't you." She said sternly, eyes narrowed as she fought a grin. He was watching her fuss over him, smirking at the attention.

"Keller knows. More meds for that too." He pointed to his duffle.

"John, are you out here because of last night?" She asked quietly. He leaned back against a wall and stared out the now blackened windows. He became a little distant.

"No…Maybe….I guess I just thought you needed some space."He looked away."It was hard to see you hurting." She nodded slowly, seeing the sadness come up in his face.

"Why did you leave before I woke up? I didn't do anything to…"

"No John, I just thought I should go before people caught me leaving your room. If I want rumors, I would like to start them on my own terms."She replied, looking at him wryly. He laughed a little, knowing that gossip travelled fast on Atlantis.

"Elizabeth, are you going to assume your position again? " He asked, more serious.

"I don't think so, at least not now. I want to seek other things." She let herself get a little closer.

"Do you want to go back…to Earth." He tensed for her answer.

"No. That I am sure of. My place is here…"

"Good." He said faintly. The quiet expanded for a few minutes, letting the sound of the storm cleanse the room in a hypnotic hum.

"John, we do need to talk." Elizabeth moved a lock of her sable hair behind her ear and looked at him tenderly.

"Ok, you have my attention." He softened to her and waited, sliding his eyes her way.

"I might be taking a risk, but there is something I need to say. When I try to recall what happened to me, what I remember are feelings mostly. Nearly all are difficult. The only one that sustained me…was about you. All I wanted was to see you again. There is still so much I need to remember, but that one feeling was my constant. It was my way out and it has stayed with me, John. I realize that you are…" She stopped short, finishing the statement with her eyes.

John felt gravity strengthen beneath him. With an introspective tone, he offered a small whisper, "Elizabeth, I….I think I know." He was pleading with himself to confess the same but he couldn't find the words. The only sign he could manage was to hold her hand. Rain began to mark the windows softly, falling in a snow like hush.

"I have heard that things were hard for you too…That you might feel the same…"

"Who …How did you…?" His bitterness rushed out before he could stop it.

"It doesn't matter."She turned to him quietly.

"Like hell it does…" She cut him off with a pass of her hand to his cheek.

"John, please. Hear me. You have friends. They care about you. I care about you. I know we share this. You have held so much for so long. We both have." Her hand traced his jaw. "You don't have to hold it anymore." She let her fingers move down to his chest and rested on his heart. He could feel the panic inside pounding to escape as his fear found language.

"Elizabeth, I don't know what I would do if I…I can't…I couldn't stand to hurt you." He whispered as if ashamed. He felt unworthy of her. His eyes were heavy with his feelings and struggling to regain their balance. He abruptly let go of her hand, only to be taken back in by hers. She held him through his protest. "I want to tell you…Please, I can't…" He closed his eyes if only to find a way to hide. The rain began to echo louder on the balcony outside.

"John, look at me…" She moved onto her knees so she could be at eye level. "I can't do this Elizabeth. I need to go…"

"John, You need to stay. You need to face this." Her hand went back to his face, holding him. He met her gaze, his haunted eyes at last cornered. "Don't run. You have done nothing wrong." She whispered. He lowered his head into her hand in partial submission, his emotions becoming evident as his face hardened.

"I don't know what to say… …"His whisper trailed off. He felt he was about to break apart. He was losing ground the closer she came.

"Trust me John." She leaned in and brushed her lips to his, soft and deliberate. "Elizabeth, I…" He paused against her mouth, frozen. She could almost hear his heart racing. The scent of him eased her own ache.

"Please John, let me in." Her green eyes sought approval. She leaned in again, offering the sensation of her lips against him. She slid her hand into his hair and timidly pulled him to her. His mouth opened at her touch, allowing her to gently taste him, passing her lips over his, caressing them in an warm invitation. "It's alright. Let go." She coaxed quietly. As if still asking for permission, he brought his thumb up to her mouth and graced her lower lip. His chest rose up and paused as he held his breath. "Do you want this?" She whispered into his mouth. He was stunned into silence.

To have her warm and real before him was overwhelming. To experience her like this had been forbidden; his body cried out for his mind to make a decision. Mesmerized, he slowly moved her onto his lap. Elizabeth let her pelvis sink into him and asked again. "Do you want this?" Her voice was low and insistent, pushing adrenaline into his blood.

"Yes." His voice was barely audible as it dropped away. His lips parted a little more. She could feel the tone of his body changing, fitting to her.

She slowly kissed him again, letting the tip of her tongue linger to taunt his own out of hiding. Fire rushed through him, flooding him with hunger until he gave in. Taking her face with both hands, he begged for her, savoring her with each kiss as his desire pushed harder and deeper. His hands soon bound her to him, searching her every contour as though he had lost something precious. Heated and drawn, eventually each kiss soon slowed into an exploration; their mouths full with one another's cry to express something long needed. Moments later, John pulled back a few inches from her to catch a breath. His hands were trembling, lost in her hair as if they were a part of her. He was breathing hard, trying to steady himself. "What… are we doing…?" He panted; frightened he might be making a mistake. His mercurial eyes, half lidded and dreaming, caught the tepid light of the room as he watched her for an answer.

"Trusting each other." She said, sighing lightly into his ear. His skin was now blushed like hers, contrasting his black hair. She kissed his top lip and slipped her tongue over the lower one. He looked at her with concern and she seemed to know the question. She closed her eyes. "I 'm ok, this is ok. Ask me John, ask me for more. I have missed you so and I don't want to let go." She placed small kisses on his face as she stroked the back of his neck. His eyes read with awe as he watched her through his longing, consuming more of him with each pass she made. He repaid the small kisses in reverence, hovering over her skin in a gentle trance, working the curve of her from her ear to her breast. "You alright?" She asked as she kissed his neck just above his collarbone.

He shivered. "L'zbeth, yes...I never thought… I've waited…"

"Yes…" She said, worshiping his mouth for a moment more with her hands in his hair, and then ran her tongue under his jaw, making him lean his head back. His hands shot their way under her shirt and down her spine gripping her hips and rocking them into his as he fought back with another deep kiss. She threw her arms around his neck as he leaned her away, carefully laying her down before him. He descended slowly to meet her. The rain was breaking hard on the windows, rippling their silhouette on the wall. His rational for resistance now defeated, the cliff at last gave way into the sea.

It had been a couple of days since Ronon had run into Sheppard. There were no infirmary recon orders issued for him so he just figured that his commander had grown tired of being watched. He was impressed that Sheppard could get away with giving him the slip. John sat quietly out on the terrace adjacent to the mess hall. It was late afternoon and the sky was checkered pink by the remnants of the storm that came before. His eyes were closed behind his pilot glasses as he basked in the sunlight. Ronon came up from behind. "Hey Sheppard."

Unmoving, John responded politely," Ronon."

"You ok? Haven't seen you. Thought you might have fallen off the east pier."

"Maybe I did." John replied flatly, remaining motionless

Ronon had grown used to his cryptic behavior but was intrigued all the same. He sat down next to him and began his usual line of interrogation by staring relentlessly at John.

"That's all you get buddy." John stated, in a 'matter of fact, take it or leave it' tone.

Ronon kept staring, dialing up his intention.

"Won't happen. Give it up." John held his ground.

Ronon leaned closer, burning his gaze into him. Minuets passed as they faced off, both unwavering. Ultimately, the ridiculousness of the moment broke John. He grinned wide, eyes still closed.

Ronon stood up and lightly smacked the back of John's head. "About damn time Sheppard." He strode back into the mess, leaving his friend alone and smiling.

Fini


End file.
